


Worth It

by anonymousheroine



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, F/M, Marriage Proposal, Mental Instability, Self-Destruction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:07:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23688163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anonymousheroine/pseuds/anonymousheroine
Summary: After rejecting his marriage proposal, you grapple with the repercussions of your decision...
Relationships: Jeremy Dooley/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	Worth It

**Author's Note:**

> This was a request by @rise-against-the-machine on tumblr! The prompt was: in the shower // (a kiss) out of relief!

_ Let's get married, Y/N. _

The words ring in your ear as you try to focus on your upcoming deadline but the memories refuse to let you live in peace.

You suddenly snap your pencil in half, uncontrollably, feeling the sharpness prick your skin. 

You release it, letting the broken bits hit the floor. The noise echoes through your now empty apartment as the pencil pieces roll away, with no one there to catch them. 

You are alone…stuck with regretful memories. 

"Ow," you say to yourself, looking at your palm. 

There is a splinter in your hand and you wince at the stinging pain, grabbing a pair of tweezers nearby to pluck it out. 

As you concentrate on pulling the damn splinter out of your hand so you can finally get back to work, the memory rings clear in your mind again.

"Let's get married, Y/N," Jeremy told you over dinner at your favorite restaurant. 

You nearly choked on your food before spitting out reflexively, "w-what?"

"We've been dating for years now," he said, reaching out to take your hand in his, "and I know, after everything that's happened, that you think marriage isn't for you but...I love you and I want to make that commitment. _ I want to be your husband _ ." 

At that, you tug out the splinter with a rough pull, tossing it and the tweezers halfway across the room compulsively. 

You then sob into your now free hands, catching the tears as they fall. You couldn't help it. 

That happened two months ago… 

And now, you're sitting at your once shared apartment, crying by yourself, haunted by the memory. 

Because you told him no, that you couldn't marry him.

You let your demons eat you alive and you said things you didn't mean to say. 

You told him to go. 

You told him to never see you again. 

You told him to pack up his things and forget about you. 

Then,  _ he did _ . 

That night, you stayed at your friend's house as Jeremy cleaned his things out of your apartment. 

When you came back, it didn't look like your apartment anymore. Your apartment was never that bare, was it? 

How much of Jeremy did he imprint onto this space? 

How much of him did he take away when he left?

_ All of it _ , you think as you wipe the tears from your eyes. 

How many times have you cried to yourself since he left? 

Everyday? 

_ More?  _

It is just so quiet without him. 

Jeremy used to fill the space so wonderfully with his laughter and antics. He had the best stories and it always helped you through your work. His encouragement kept your spirits high and you were always grateful to have him in your life.

So, why couldn't you marry him? 

A part of you still didn't think you deserved him. You had this unexplainable anxiety that you'd never be good enough for him and that one day, he'd come to realize it. 

This became your own self-destruction. 

You would lash out at times, saying things you didn't mean,  _ telling him to leave you _ . 

All those times, he would stay and he would fight for you and you would break down, telling him that you were sorry because you didn't mean it. 

It was your own insecurities that you were fighting, not him. 

You love him.

You never wanted him to leave. 

But, when you felt so low, you couldn't help but self-destruct and he was the one who got caught in your wake. 

You knew the day would come where you would push him to the point of no return. 

You just never would've imagined it would be the same day he proposed to you. 

You hold yourself in your arms, unable to focus on your deadline anymore. You miss him so much,  _ too much _ , that the pain ate away at you. 

"Of course I want to marry you," you say to yourself in between sobs, "but did I deserve to?" 

The 'you' two months ago would say no. 

You would say that of course you didn't deserve him. You weren't good enough and you'd never be good enough so pushing him away was the best thing you could do for the both of you. 

However, over the last two months, you've been working on yourself. You've been going to therapy. You've been trying to fight your own insecurities because it was never Jeremy's job to fight them for you. 

You've been trying to be better for yourself. You deserved to be better for yourself. 

You did deserve Jeremy and his love, you just wish you had known it then. 

You wish you could turn back the clock and take the lessons you've learned now and tell him why you acted up and how you really feel. 

You love him with every inch of your heart and you regret ever telling him to go. 

That's why you're crying now. 

You're not crying because you don't think you're worth it.

You're crying because you realize Jeremy has known something you refused to see.

That you've always been worth it. 

In your messy state, you shred your clothes off your body, feeling suffocated by them. You then get up from your desk chair and hunch your way over to the shower.

Your therapist told you that when you're feeling low and unable to control your emotions, you should try to do something you could control. Like taking a shower. 

You step into your bathroom. You had one of those bathrooms where the shower was in the tub and you had glass sliding doors instead of a shower curtain. You go over, opening the sliding doors to step in and turning on the shower,  _ setting it to cold. _

You then sit in the bath, letting the cold water hit you. 

As the water hits your face, you sob as loudly as you can, letting all the emotions flood out. You feel the cold water hit you everywhere and you fold yourself inwards, holding your knees against you. Your wet hair covers your eyes and you just let yourself feel. 

You feel the pain of regret.

You feel the icy cold of the water. 

You feel...your loneliness. 

You feel everything you were going through, as the water washes over you. 

You then, feel relief. 

It comes slowly, but it comes with acceptance.

You allow yourself to let out a sigh, letting the weight of that sigh lift the weight of emotions from your shoulders. 

Then, you open your eyes and you're met with familiar ones, staring at you through the glass doors. 

Moving away from the shower so the water doesn't impair your vision anymore, you wipe your eyes, trying to see if what you saw was a figment of your imagination or not. 

But it wasn't.

There he stood. 

Tired, concerned and as handsome as you remember.

"What are you doing, Y/N?" Jeremy asks, his voice concerned. 

"I'm feeling," you reply, looking up at the ceiling then closing your eyes as you lean back, letting the cold water hit you again. 

"What are you feeling?" He walks up to you, kneeling beside you at the bath. 

You open the sliding doors, to meet his eyes, saying, "I'm feeling regret and  _ loneliness _ ." 

"I'm sorry to hear that," he replies, a sad look forming on his face.

You shake your head, reaching out to touch his face with your wet hand. His eyes widen, shocked at your sudden touch, as you go, "don't be sad, there's nothing to be sorry about. I'm glad to feel those things, because I also feel relief."

"That's good," he says, leaning into your touch, closing his eyes. 

"Why are you here, Jeremy?" You gently caress his cheek. 

"I forgot one of my controllers, it was under the bed," he answers, looking back at you. 

"Are you sure that's why you're here?" 

He shakes his head against your hand, moving away from it, responding, "that was a lie. I'm here because…I can't stop thinking about you." 

"Me either." 

"I thought I could give you what you wanted," he says, his voice strained, "I thought I could leave you." 

"Jeremy…" 

You realize now that all those times you told him to leave, you never thought about how he must've felt. He didn't know you were saying it because you were insecure. 

It is then that you realize he must've thought you actually wanted him to go. 

"I never wanted you to leave," you tell him, biting back the tears. 

"Then why did you tell me to go?" He asks,  _ begs _ , for an answer. 

"Because...I hated myself," you finally admit, bringing your hands back to your face, wiping your tears. "I hated myself so much that I didn't think I deserved you…so I told you to go to save myself the pain of you realizing I was never worth your love.

"You know you will always be worth it, darling," he goes. 

"I know now," you tell him with a genuine smile on your face, "I-I got help, after everything that happened, and I know now that I did deserve you. I just wish I knew before I ruined everything." 

Jeremy scoots forward, so that his elbow is up against the edge of the tub, as he reaches forward to brush your wet hair out of your face. You watch as the shower water hits him with a light mist, sprinkling against his beard. He looks so adorable. It reminds you of all the baths you've shared together in this very bathroom. 

Oh, how you've missed him… 

"Do you want to marry me?" He asks you, looking deeply into your eyes. 

"I do," you answer him, teary eyed, "I wish I had said yes all those months ago." 

"Then say yes now," he says as he pulls off his necklace, revealing the ring you had once rejected. He holds it up to you, and goes, "let's start over, from right here. No more secrets. If you feel down or doubtful, please talk to me instead of telling me to go. Let me make that decision for myself because I've decided that I love you and I can't imagine my life without you, Y/N." 

"Are you...really giving me a second chance?" You put your hand over your mouth in shock, squeezing your eyes shut to stop the tears from bursting out. 

You couldn't believe what was happening. 

Is this real? 

"I'm giving  _ us _ a second chance to be better together," he says, filled with hope. "So, will you marry me, Y/N?" 

You nod, saying, "of course, Jeremy, of course I'll marry you. I love you with all my heart. Please come back to me." 

Jeremy smiles, slipping the ring onto your finger, then he moves his hand to the back of your neck, pulling you to him, kissing you for the first time in months.

You kiss him back with such a deep longing, having missed his touch and his lips and  _ him _ . You smile against his lips as you feel water dripping down his cheeks.

"I should probably get out of the shower," you say to him against his lips, wiping the water off his face. 

"Maybe I'll join you instead," he teases and you shove him playfully before getting up from the shower. 

Jeremy watches as you get out of the shower, handing you a towel. You quickly dry yourself off and wrap the towel around you. Then, you walk up to him, putting your arms around him.

He hugs you back, holding you in his arms. 

"I missed you so much," you whisper into his ear, trying not to burst into tears again. 

"I missed you too, sweetheart," he holds you tighter, "let's work hard to stay happy together, alright?" 

"I'd like that," you say as you pull away, pressing a kiss against his cheek, before pinching it. 

"Ow!" He goes, rubbing his sore cheek, "you know, I nearly tripped on a broken pencil on the way in here and now you pinch me!" 

"Ah...about that…" 

You rub the back of your neck, blushing, and Jeremy chuckles at how cute you are. 

"I'm guessing you're avoiding a deadline, aren't you?" 

You raise your arms in the air, saying, "caught me red-handed." 

"Come on, let's get cracking," Jeremy puts his arm around you, escorting you out of the bathroom. 

You finish your work with a smile on your face, glancing over at Jeremy who has fallen asleep peacefully on the bed. 

Painful memories slowly drift away as new ones overtake them as you and Jeremy navigate your lives together, with honesty and love. 

_ The End.  _

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr @ [ah-anonymous.tumblr.com](http://ah-anonymous.tumblr.com)! I don't have any other social media, so if you want to chat/ask me anything, send me an ask on there!


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